A Real Friendship
Updated: Jan 2, 2021
I was counseling a young woman a week or so ago. She was quite upset because a friend she had gone to college with and who had also been in her wedding informed her that they could no longer be friends any more. She told me it hurt as if a family member had died, and she did not get to say goodbye. This was someone who she had shared many secrets with. This college friends were the first person she told when she realized her husband was the love of her life. She moved away after getting married, but they still kept in touch on a regular basis. My client left their small town and move halfway around the world. They had even discussed the possibility of her college friend visiting them overseas. She did not make the trip due to her mother getting ill around the time she had planned to visit. Wherever she and her husband careers took them she would write her and let her know that she was welcome to come visit. They would make plans for her to visit when ever she could arrange it with her work.
Their next move came and as always; she extends a visit to her girlfriend of more than fifteen years. On this letter she also shares with her some outstanding news that she and her husband had. After more than five years of marriage they were blessed to fine out that they would be having a baby the next year. She even mentions to her college friend about possible trying to visit around the time of the baby’s pending birth, which was mid-July. After mailing the letter she assumed that she would hear something from her friend as soon as she received her letter citing all of her good news. Several weeks went by and she had not heard anything from her college friend. She had to admit it was causing her some concern. She reached out to her by phone and found out that the number she had been dialing for more than ten years was no longer working and there was no forwarding number. She found that to be very strange, and she could think of no reason for it, or what was going on with her friend.
About four days later her husband came in with the mail and in the stack of mail there was a letter from her girlfriend. She was glad to see the letter, and she opened it with excitement thinking it would be good news and everything would be alright. She took a seat at the kitchen table and read the letter. She said that once she finished the letter, she was even more confused then ever. Her best friend told her in no uncertain terms that their friendship was over and that she was sorry that she could not be happy for her and husband, concerning their upcoming birth. Her college friend said that she desired everything that my client had, +and she could not see their friendship going any farther with the Lord’s blessing being so one sided. She told her that she had gotten a new number so she would not be able to share all of her good news concerning her pregnancy. My client was told not to contact her anymore.
The young woman that I am counseling is saddened, and wondering how things went so wrong, and how could she not realize what was happening to their friendship. I told her that we have no way of knowing how sad or how misleading an individual mind can get. I also explained to her that their lives were going in totally different directions. Having never talked with her friend I did not know her reasons, but it was clear that she was looking for happiness just to show up and take a seat in her life. I explained to my client that nothing in life is free, whether it is a true friendship or a marriage. Hard work must be put in each, and many times with a friendship when people’s lives do not run parallel, if they are not committed to making the friendship last it will eventually fade out. I also advised my client that she did nothing wrong. If her friend was not happy for her and her marriage and the pending birth of their first child, then she was not a true friend for her. I told her a true friend is someone that comes few and far between each other. She needed to know that a part of being a true friend is being happy for someone else even when the happiness is not for you. The only thing I could suggest for my clients to do was to pray for her friend and hope that someday she would find happiness.
Pathway to Relief Quotes
· Know that happiness comes from within, a true friend is just a cherry on top.
· It is not someone else’s job to make your dreams come true, that is your job.
· You need a good plan to become happy, and a better plan to stay friends.
· Friendships are to be equally manage by the individuals who call themselves friends.
· In life you only get a few true friends who will be there in thick or thin.
· Friendships can be hard work. But they should be fair. That means sometimes I will carry the load for both of us. There will be days that you will carry the load for us. Then there will be days that we will fall down on our knees trying to just get each other off the floor and smile at each other.
· A true friend can ask you to do almost anything because you are true friends. Realize that you have the right to say no and it should not affect your friendship.
· True friends never take advantage of each other.
· True friends never have to start off telling his/her friend a secret with, “please do not say anything”.
· Never loan a friend money unless you do not need it back.
· Never ask a friend to loan you money if you have no attention of paying it back.
· Moving into a friend’s home is the fastest way to destroy a friendship.
· Never come on to your friends’ partner, he or she will find it out and, in most case, it is the end of your friendship.
· Know what your friend limits are.
· You need to know that your best friends and you will not always have the same friends, and that should be ok.
· You need know that some people have more than one best friend, and you should not be jealous.